


Shining Together

by Marmeladeskies



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Baby Harry, Canonical Character Death, Desperation, Family, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Godfather Sirius Black, Grief/Mourning, Harry Potter was Raised by Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kid Fic, Kind of a slow burn, M/M, Multi, Raising Harry, Remus is bad at talking about feelings, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black as Padfoot, Sirius and Remus raise Harry, Toddlers, Wolfstar Parents, You Have Been Warned, You might cry, actual realistic child development, it's fluffy, it's wholesome, siriusly, sloooow fucking burn, they love each other very much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marmeladeskies/pseuds/Marmeladeskies
Summary: 'Sirius, there’s not much we can say. Well, yes, there is. But it wouldn’t fit on all the parchment in the world. We love you, and we trust in you. Let people help you. Let Remus help you.'
Hurt and Grief, a baby with green eyes and black hair, and two friends who have been more than friends for too long without realizing.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Acehardy3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acehardy3/gifts).



> This is one of my first works. English isn't my first language, and even if this is beta'd, there might be minor mistakes. Feel free to comment or message me on tumblr if you have something to say! marmelade-sky.tumblr.com

“You betrayed them!” Shaking, rage, bile in his mouth. “You betrayed them and you killed them!” Clenched fists, blurred vision, rage, Rage RAGE.  
Raised wand, magic without thinking, loud lights and flashes. 

More flashes, screams, green flashes, Rage.  
“He showed me respect when you didn’t!”  
A friend who wasn’t a friend anymore. 

Not caring if he died.

Suddenly, arms around his chest, familiar arms, and another flash, red, striking its target. 

“Sirius, no! Killing him won’t bring them back!” 

People, more people, muggles and then wizards with serious faces and badges on their chests. The traitor being dragged off. Loud voices. More bright lights. And still arms around him, holding him. 

\---

Sadness.

Tired. 

“Sirius, you have to eat. Please.” 

Not caring.

They are dead. 

\---

Waking up at night.

Hot tears. Shaking and screaming. 

\---

“Mister Black. The Potters’ wills have been found. Both of them make it very clear that Harry should stay with you in case of their death.” 

Sirius lifts his head from the pillow.


	2. Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to message me on tumblr <3 marmelade-sky.tumblr.com

_Dear Padfoot,_

_if you’re reading this, we are dead. We hope we died in a heroic way. But mostly, we hope you never have to read this._  
_You’re Harry’s godfather. And if we’re dead, we want you to raise him. You agreed to it when he was born and we hope you still want it._  
_You’re probably not in a good place right now, but please try to pull yourself together for Harry. Don’t drink your pain away or do other stupid shit. Harry needs you. We need you to take care of him. It might seem scary to have a baby all of a sudden. But we know you can do it. You and Moony have babysat him many times, and now it’s basically like babysitting him constantly.  
_ _He’s a good child and we love him so much. You know how it feels not to have a home. Don’t let the same happen to him. Give him a home. Give him love and attention and comfort. And when he’s old enough, tell him about us, and tell him that our deaths weren’t pointless. We have included a list of things to please bear in mind. And there’s tons of baby books in our house, they’re yours now. The cat, too, if you want him. Harry loves him._

_Sirius, there’s not much we can say. Well, yes, there is. But it wouldn’t fit on all the parchment in the world. We love you, and we trust in you. Let people help you. Let Remus help you._

_Lily and James._

\--- 

_Harry’s List:_

_He will be scared if we’re gone. Hold him. Let him sleep in your bed. Babies need lots of physical contact; that shouldn’t be a problem for you._

_Talk to him. It’s important for his development. Read to him, tell him about your day, talk to him while you feed him and while you bathe him and while you cuddle him._

__

_He’s an active kid, he needs at least two hours of running around or flying or other exercise._

__

_I know that it can be awkward to have a child around at all times. He’s going to be with you when you pee, when you’re sick, when you want a day for yourself. Don’t feel guilty if you let someone babysit him once in a while._

__

_Children are disgusting sometimes. Maybe make sure he washes his hands every once in awhile._

__

_Play with him lots. It will help you bond. At the moment, he loves his little stag plushie. And his broom of course. You’ll figure it out._

__

_Feed him healthy food. I know you’re not a big fan of vegetables, but babies need vitamins. And no, there aren’t enough vitamins in fruit gummies. I’m sure Remus will help you with that. Or Peter, he’s the better cook._

__

_The most important thing you can give him is love. I know you will do great._

_Love, Lily._ _PS.: Once a year, you have to visit my sister with him. It will protect him. Don’t ask. I did blood magic, that’s all I can tell you._

__

\---

_Lily Jennifer and James Fleamont Potter leave to Harry James Potter: the complete content of their Gringott’s vault, their house in Godric’s Hollow, and all of their possessions._  
_Lily Jennifer and James Fleamont Potter leave to Sirius Orion Black: James Potter’s childhood home in Godric’s Hollow._

\---

“Moony. Will you move in with me and Harry? I can’t do this alone.”  
“Ok.”


	3. Two Weeks In

Harry is finally asleep. 

Sirius lies there, watching him breathe, his small chest rising and falling. He’s so fragile and small and vulnerable. The scar on his forehead is still red and sore, and Sirius isn’t sure if it still hurts him. He doesn’t want Harry to hurt. He’s had enough pain for a whole live already.

His little hands clench into tiny fists, and Sirius watches the pudgy face wrinkle. He’s dreaming. Sirius wonders what he dreams of. He hopes it’s about the cat or the ice cream they had the other day. 

Not about green lightening and screams and bad men wanting to take him away. 

There’s a soft knock at the door. Remus stands in the doorway and watches them. His face looks as tired as Sirius feels.   
With him, the smell of food enters the room. Sirius feels his stomach clench. 

Remus walks over to the bed slowly, and sits down, careful not to wake Harry. They don’t talk. Remus takes Sirius’ hand, and Sirius grips it. This is the first time they’ve been holding hands since their time at Hogwarts and Sirius’ stomach flips and he should probably think about why but he can’t right now. Too tired. They both watch this baby with black, unruly hair and those green eyes that once were not one of a kind. Harry mewls in his sleep and rolls over, against Sirius’ chest. 

Sirius lets go off Remus hand and wraps his arm around Harry.


	4. Six Weeks In

Harry has started talking again. The first thing he says is “Kitty”. 

Remus almost drops his book and Sirius spits out his water. The cat jumps up on Harry’s high chair and rubs his head against Harry’s cheek, and Harry squeaks happily. Remus has to wipe his eyes with the sleeve of his jumper before he leans over Harry. “Yes, Harry, that’s right. That’s the kitty.” “Kitty!”, Harry squeaks again, laughing as the cat gently paws at Harry’s soother.   
Then he looks up at Remus. “Mommy?”, he asks. 

Remus’ fingers dig into the hem of his sleeve, and his stomach clenches.   
He hears Sirius stand up and leave the room. 

Remus doesn’t have an answer to Harry’s question. So he takes him into his arms. “Mommy’s not here, Harry.”, he whispers, trying not to cry in front of the child. He’s not very successful.   
“Dada?” Harry’s eyebrows furrow. Remus shakes his head. Harry looks at him in confusion when tears drop down onto his onesie. 

 

They find Sirius outside, sitting on the porch, smoking a cigarette he quickly stubs out when he hears them come outside. Remus sits down next to him. He craves a cig too, but he doesn’t want to smoke in front of Harry.   
Sirius’ eyes are swollen and red, and his smile is shaky. “Hey, pal.”   
Harry reaches out for him, and Remus hands him to Sirius. Then he buries his lips in the scratchy sleeves of his jumper, because his bottom lip trembles so hard that it hurts.   
Sirius sits Harry down on his knees, facing him. Harry examines his face with all the concentration a one-year-old can muster. Then he reaches out, and clumsily touches Sirius’ cheek. 

“Pa’foo.”  
A sob escapes Remus. 

 

Later, much later, when Harry is asleep, they sit outside in the cold. Remus is wrapped in an enormous scarf, but Sirius wears nothing but a T-Shirt. Feeling cold is better than not feeling anything at all. 

They smoke cigarette after cigarette, until their throats hurt.


	5. Three Months In

After the full moon, Remus sleeps until late in the afternoon and Sirius is left in charge of Harry. They are on the floor, Sirius’ long legs crossed, Harry rolling around between his toys and the cat which has apparently decided never to take his eyes of Harry again.  
“Pa’foo! Look!” Sirius looks, and he sees a building block float around Harry’s head. The boy giggles and tries to grab it, but it flies just out of his reach. Sirius catches himself smile, and it feels weird on his face.  
“Well done!”, he praises Harry. “We will have to show this to Moony later! Your first accidental magic!”  
“Moomy.”, Harry agrees, looking at Sirius with a big smile. Sirius smiles back. And suddenly there’s a lump in his throat that’s hard to swallow. James should be the one to witness this. Not him.  
“Show Moomy?” Harry scrambles over to him, and climbs into his lap.  
“He’s asleep, Harry.”, Sirius tries to explain, but Harry is having none of it.  
“Show Moomy!”, he demands. The bulding block shoots away and crashes against the wall, startling the cat and Sirius all the same.  
“That’s… some impressive magic for a little rugrat like you.” Sirius blinks down at Harry, who looks at him with such determination that it’s almost cute.  
“Yeah, okay, pal. We’ll go show Moony.” 

Remus is half awake when the door of the room opens, and the pitter-patter of little feet is to be heard. “Mooooomy?”  
Green eyes peek over the edge of the bed, and Remus smiles. His face hurts, but it doesn’t matter.  
“Hey.”, his voice is raspy and low. “Good day little mister.”  
Harry giggles and reaches up; Sirius is there to lift him onto the bed, and a moment later, Harry is on top of Remus.  
“Careful, Harry!”, Sirius wants to reach out for him, but Remus shakes his head. “No, it’s okay Padfoot. He’s not heavy.”  
“Moomy!”, Harry squeaks and then he babbles in his baby language, which nobody understands yet. But Remus nods along as if he totally does. “Ah, yes. Very exciting story, pumpkin.”, he comments when Harry is finished.  
“He did accidental magic.”, Sirius explains.  
Remus looks up at him, and Sirius notices how swollen his eyes are. “He did?”  
“Yeah, made a building block float.”  
Remus grabs Harry, lifts him up over his head, and Harry giggles euphorically. “Well, seems like we have to sign you up for Hogwarts soon, huh?” He lowers Harry again and presses a kiss to his pudgy little cheek.  
Sirius smiles some more, and it’s not feeling that weird anymore.


	6. Five Months In

It’s the middle of the night, but Sirius wakes up. Harry. He’s rolling from one side to his other, whimpering in his sleep. His forehead is hot and his eyes are glassy when he opens them after Sirius gently puts a hand on him. He sniffles and he whines, and Sirius wraps him into a blanket before he gets out of bed with the ill child in his arms. Harry doesn’t babble or play as he usually does, he just clings to Sirius, and Sirius feels awful for him.   
“Moony?” Carefully, he sticks his head into Remus’ room and immediately notices that the window needs to be opened; it smells like sweat and weirdly like animal in here.   
From a mountain of blankets and pillows, Remus’ voice is to be heard. “Huh?”   
“I think Harry is ill; sorry for waking you, but I don’t know what to do…”  
The mountain of blankets moves, and Remus’ head emerges finally. When he sees a helpless Sirius standing there, with a mewling, tired and obviously sick Harry in his arms, his expression shifts from mildly annoyed from being woken up to worried.   
In the matter of seconds, he’s out of bed, and taking Harry from Sirius. “Hey, pumpkin, what’s wrong?”, he cooes to Harry, “He’s scalding.”, he then adds, looking to Sirius, corners of his mouth hard with concern. Sirius nods, eyebrows furrowing. Harry now clings to Remus and whines quietly, head against his uncle’s shoulder. Remus presses a kiss to his temple and rocks him a bit, but that doesn’t really help. There’s a silence between the two men, both of them thinking about what to do, before Sirius proposes “Dorcas?”. Remus nods quickly. 

Their friend Dorcas Meadowes used to be a healer at St. Mungo’s, but ever since the war started and she joined the order, she doesn’t work there anymore. She’s on full time Order duty. She practices and lives in a inconspicuous house near Diagon Alley which once belonged to another Order member’s parents. Now, it’s a potions distillery, an ER, a hospital ward and Dorcas’ office in one.   
Of course she’s still awake when they arrive; her black hair is falling out of a messy updo and her nose almost touches the parchment she’s reading but quickly throws on her desk once she notices them. “Remus! Sirius!”   
“Dorcas, Harry is-” Sirius starts, but she’s already there, taking the quivering bundle of blankets from Remus’ arms. Harry starts crying when he’s being taken away from Remus, and frankly, Sirius feels like crying too right now.   
“We always dressed him in warm clothes and didn’t go out with him when it was too cold, I swear!”, he explains franticly.   
They scutter after Dorcas when she takes Harry to a secluded area with an examination table. “He has a fever.” She takes out her wand and swirls it over him, Harry stops crying; his eyes are droopy and he seems sleepy and much calmer all of a sudden.   
Dorcas turns to face them. “It’s probably just a cold, but it’s good that you came. Children get sick in a different way than adults.”   
‘Just a cold’ doesn’t really calm Sirius down; Harry is obviously in pain! Next to him, Remus seems cool and collected, but Sirius knows he’s not, because he’s constantly biting his lip; it’s bloody already. “Can you give him something for it?”  
Dorcas nods, and accio’s a big bottle of moss green potion. She drips some of it on a cotton ball, and then dabs it on Harry’s forehead. “That’s going to take away the pain. When he wakes up next time, you should give him this-” She accio’s another potion, which is in a smaller vial. “One drop on his tongue. Then it should be better in no time.”  
Remus nods and takes the potion from her, thanking her, while Sirius scrambles to take Harry back into his arms, bundling him into the blanket first. He presses his lips to Harry’s slightly cooler forehead and closes his eyes for a moment; he feels guilty and awful; he want to take the illness from Harry and suffer in Harry’s place. But that’s not how it works.   
“It’s not your fault he’s ill.”, Dorcas says, matter-of-factly. Sirius isn’t so sure. “Babies just catch a cold from time to time, you can’t do anything about it. I understand that it is hard for… new parents to see their child sick, but you reacted right.”   
Remus and Sirius share the quickest look, both of them averting their eyes after a second, when Dorcas calls them new parents. 

They floo back, and since Remus knows that both of them won’t be able to sleep, he makes tea. Sirius is still clutching Harry to his chest, and Remus knows he won’t let go anytime soon. His bottom lip hurts, Remus tastes blood on it.   
In silence, Remus hands Sirius a cup and then warms his own hands on the other one. They sit down on the sofa, Remus tugs his feet under, and Sirius slumps so Harry can sleep comfortably on his chest. When Remus has finished his tea, he goes to his bedroom and gets the big comforter. Sirius, Harry and Remus fit under it together, Remus and Sirius on opposite sides of the sofa.  
Their legs are touching, Sirius’ feet are cold and Remus tugs the comforter around them a bit more firmly.   
Sirius gives him a funny look. They don’t talk.  
Outside, the sun is slowly rising.


	7. 7 Months In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is personally my favourite chapter.

“No offence, but you should get a job.”   
Remus stands in the middle of the living room, Harry on his arm, and looks down at Sirius who lounges around on the sofa.   
“A job?!”  
“Yes. A job. Something to do.” The tone in Remus’ voice is something Sirius remembers from their school days; ‘Sirius, you should really concentrate on your own notes right now.’.  
“Why?”, Sirius sits up and looks at Remus. “We have money. My uncle’s inheritance, and James’ money is enough to get us through until Harry has kids on his own, probably.”  
“It’s not about the money!” Remus rolls his eyes; Harry is occupied with the hem of Remus’ collar. “You lounge around all day. Really, Pads, no offence. But that’s not healthy for you.”   
Sirius stares up at Remus, blinking in shock. “I’m trying to take care of Harry.”  
“Yes, I know, and you’re doing great. But as soon as I have him, you flop down on the couch and stare holes into the ceiling.”   
Sirius want to reply something, but Remus is right, and Sirius hates it.  
He grits his teeth. “Don’t go all wifey on me now, Remus.”  
A brief shadow of genuine hurt ghosts over Remus’ face, but it’s gone as soon as it has appeared. “Alright. Then please. Keep sulking. Keep sliding off into a fu- freaking major depression. That will make taking care of Harry so much easier.” His tone is harsh, and Harry immediately reacts. His bottom lip starts to quiver as he looks from Sirius to Remus and back.   
“You’re making him cry.”, Sirius reproaches. The look of hurt on Remus’ face is back, and this time it sticks.   
Wordlessly, he hands a mewling Harry to Sirius and leaves the living room. 

They don’t talk for two whole days.  
Harry is grumpy, and so is Sirius.   
Remus spends most time in the backyard, gardening. Sirius and Harry watch him.   
In the end of the second day, after Sirius has put Harry to bed, he finds Remus in the kitchen, nose in one of his books, and a half-eaten bar of chocolate next to him.   
He sits down on the chair opposite of him. Remus doesn’t look up.  
“I thought about your idea. You know, about me getting a job.”  
Remus just grumbles in response, but he does look up.   
“I think that…” Sirius looks down at his hands, “maybe you’re right. Maybe it might be good for me to get out a bit.”  
Remus’ expression softens.   
“Maybe not full-time. But maybe three days a week.”  
Remus nods. Sirius does, too. They spend the rest of the evening in the kitchen, talking about their respective last two days. 

Two weeks later, Sirius starts working at Quality Quidditch Supplies. Turns out he’s really good at repairing broken brooms, and furthermore, designing and producing custom made brooms. When he comes home after work and finds Remus, Harry and a warm dinner in the kitchen, there’s a spark of happiness in his chest.


	8. 8 Months In

It feels weird to give Harry to somebody else, even if it’s just for one night. Alice stands there, Harry on her arm and her own little boy, Neville, clinging to her leg, and waves into the fireplace at the pair of them.  
Sirius feels like going back a second after they arrive at home again. Remus convinces him not to, even though he secretly feels the same. They need a child-free night. Just one night. 

 

\---

 

“Sirius, really, go out if you want to. I won’t be mad. You… probably miss clubbing and, uh, girls.”  
“No Remus. I really don’t care for clubbing, or girls.”

 

\---

 

No going to the pub, no party, no heavy drinking. All of that feels so far away, even if it’s barely a year since... everything.  
They end up on the sofa, Sirius nursing a beer and Remus sipping a glass of wine. It’s warm outside, the door to the backyard is open, and nice, cool air is floating in. They watch TV. Remus bought it some weeks after moving into the place, and Sirius quickly has taken a liking to the weird box that doesn’t work with magic but is still magical in its own way.  
But tonight, Sirius doesn’t watch the TV. He watches Remus.  
Taking in every wrinkle, every scar, every spot, the slight stain the wine leaves on Remus’ lips. And it feels like a veil lifts off his eyes, and finally, he gets it. He gets why he doesn’t care for girls anymore, or for anyone really. He gets why coming home after work feels so great.  
After some minutes, Remus turns his head to the side and looks back at Sirius. And Sirius, because he is Sirius Black and he has no impulse control, pulls him in and kisses him.  
At first, Remus startles back.  
But then he leans in, and kisses Sirius back, with so much force that their teeth crash together; but they both don’t mind.  
Sirius tastes like beer and cigarettes, and Remus tastes like wine and chocolate, and suddenly they’re all over each other, and Remus’ jumper lands on the floor and then both of their jeans.  
It’s desperation and passion and sadness and hunger and teenagers who had to grow up too fast.  
It’s two friends who have been more than friends for so long, even though none of them realized.  
It’s two people who haven’t felt intimacy in months.  
It’s two parents who finally have some privacy.

 

They fall asleep tangled in each other, and awake the next morning long after the sun is up. Sirius is the first to wake. When he finds Remus sleeping on his chest, he suddenly remembers what happened last night, and his body remembers too.  
Quickly, but as careful as possible, he gets up and tip-toes into the kitchen to make tea. It’s ten in the morning, Sirius stands in the kitchen butt-naked, the realization that he just had sex with his best friend sets in, and Sirius has a short existential crisis.

But then the kettle hisses and from the living room, Remus calls out his name sleepily, and suddenly, it’s okay.  
They have breakfast in silence. Afterwards, Remus gets up. “I’ll take a shower and then we can go get Harry.”  
Sirius wants to ask if he can join, but he doesn’t.  
They don’t mention the night again, but when they step into the fireplace, Remus’ hand touches Sirius’ for a second.

 

\---

 

“Sirius, he doesn’t need a party. He’s only two, he doesn’t even know what a birthday is.” 

\---

Of course there’s cake at the party. It’s shaped like a snitch and tastes like chocolate and Remus is sure that either Harry or Sirius will puke it back up tonight. Maybe both of them.  
They invited Frank and Alice, and Molly and Arthur and their gaggle of children, and some of their other childless friends, and it turns out that, even if Harry doesn’t need a party, Sirius and Remus can sure use one.  
They start out talking with the other parents, and end up drinking with everybody else.  
Remus can’t really get drunk because he’s a werewolf, and so he ends up putting Harry to bed when the guests are gone. When he comes back down, he finds Sirius cleaning their back porch. Surprised, he halts in the doorway and watches him collect empty bottles. In the kitchen, the dishes are already doing themselves. Harry’s presents are piled up neatly in the living room.  
Sirius startles a bit when he notices Remus watching him, but then flashes him a sloppy smile.  
“I thought I’d do it now, so we don’t have all the work tomorrow.”  
Remus smiles. “You’ve grown up so much.”, he gently says.  
Sirius rolls his eyes at him and laughs. “Not so sure about that, to be honest.”  
Sauntering closer, Remus takes out his wand and helps Sirius clean up the mess. They work together in silence. 

 

They brush their teeth in silence, too, next to each other in front of the bathroom mirror. Sirius isn’t really too drunk anymore, either.  
They spit out their toothpaste, Remus first, then Sirius, and they say good night, Sirius first, then Remus, and each of them walk off to their respective bedrooms.


	9. 10 Months In

From time to time, Remus will find Sirius on the floor of the bathroom, or the porch or the kitchen. He sits there, in the middle of water pouring from an overflowing bathtub or with a broken teacup next to him or the dead remains of a potted plant scattered around him. And his shoulders shake and his breath comes in quick sobs and when Remus hurries to him, he’ll sink against him like his muscles can’t hold him upright anymore. “I miss him so much, Remus, I miss them both so much.”   
And Remus wraps his arms around Sirius and say nothing because there is simply nothing to say. It’s hard for Remus, but he also knows that it’s even harder for Sirius, because even though Remus lost two of his best friends, Sirius lost a brother.


	10. One Year In

When Sirius wakes up one the morning of the 31st of October, he immediately knows what day it is. He couldn’t forget if he tried.  
Remus is already up, leaving only Harry asleep.  
He hands Sirius a cup of tea wordlessly.  
They sit and have breakfast in silence until their magical baby alarm chirps and alerts them that Harry is awake. 

The day comes and proceeds, and Harry is completely unphased because he is a toddler who has no concept of time, or death. Late in the afternoon, Remus puts on his favourite jumper, Sirius slips into his leather jacket, and they bundle up Harry in a wool jacket and a little hat with teddy bear ears, and then they head off to the cemetery. When they reach the gate, Sirius stops. But Remus grabs his hand and drags him over the line, and they enter the area hand in hand.  
Harry is bundled up in his stroller, and looks around curiously. He’s never seen a place like this.  
When they reach the grave, Sirius feels like turning around and running away. But Remus’ hand is still in his, and so he just grips it tighter. 

__  
In loving memory  
of  
JAMES POTTER and LILY POTTER 

Loving, indeed.  
Sirius crouches down in front of the grave, and puts a hand on the cold stone. Prongs, he thinks to himself, I miss you so much. And you, too, Evans. Every day I think of you and I wish you were still here with us. I wish you could see Harry grow up. The other day, he pronounced Padfoot right. It’s not easy raising him, but I try not to disappoint you every day.  
He lets his hand rest on the cold stone for a moment. Harry is unusually quiet, as if he senses that his uncles need a moment to themselves.  
When Sirius turns back, and looks up at Remus, he sees big tears dropping from his chin and the tip of his reddened nose, and Remus tries to smile but it doesn’t really work, and Sirius reaches up and takes his hand again and when he stands up, Remus is in his arms sobbing against his shoulder. Sirius clenches his jaw so hard that his teeth hurt.  
The clouds break apart, and there’s a ray of sunshine, and for a moment, Sirius thinks that this must be some kind of sign.

\---

When they come home, Sirius takes Harry out of his stroller, and Remus goes off and comes back with hot chocolate and marshmallows, and they spend their evening watching some stupid child-friendly Halloween movie, Harry in between them with his whole face smeared brown from the chocolate. He falls asleep curled against Sirius’ chest and Sirius decides to let him sleep in his bed tonight.  
Remus follows him when he walks upstairs, and they brush their teeth in silence next to each other again.  
“Good night.”, says Remus.  
“Come sleep in my bed.”, says Sirius, without thinking. “Please.”  
Even though Remus hesitates at first, he eventually follows Sirius into his bedroom.  
And so this awful day end with all three of them falling asleep in Sirius’ bed, Harry rolled into a ball between their chests, and right before he drifts off into his sleep, Sirius thinks that maybe, this day isn’t completely shit. 

\---

When they wake up the next morning, Harry is delighted to find both ‘Moomy’ and ‘Pa’foo’ next to him.


	11. December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :) sorry for not posting in so long. I really love this fic and it's my baby, but I have an even bigger baby (Unhealthy Ways) which is eating up most of my time reserved for writing. It's a bit late for winter spirit (I'm posting this from my sunny and warm porch, which is super nice), but I hope you enjoy it anyways <3

Last year, they didn’t have a real christmas. Harry was too little to understand, and neither of them felt like celebrating two months after their best friends had died. 

But this year, Harry sees the lights in the shop windows of Godric’s Hollow, and he’s mesmerized, and then they pass a man in a Santa costume and Harry’s eyes widen and his little mouth drops into an O. And when Remus and Harry return from their shopping trip, there’s a bag of christmas lights and baubles and other decorations next to the basket full of groceries.   
When Sirius comes home from work later that evening, the house smells like vanilla and cinnamon and ginger. He finds Remus and Harry in the kitchen, the radio blasting Celestina Warbeck’s “One Magical Christmas”. Remus doesn’t notice him at first, because he’s too busy showing Harry how to roll out cookie dough. Harry’s black hair is powdered with flour, and there’s a smear of chocolate on his cheek and he sits on the kitchen counter and giggles as Remus finally gives up and enchants the rolling pin.   
Sirius laughs, and Remus and Harry finally notice him.   
“What are you making?”, Sirius asks Harry as he swoops him into his arms.   
“Moomy make cookies!”, Harry squeals and wraps his arms around Sirius’ neck. Sirius gives Remus an amused smile while the other man leans back against the kitchen counter and grins sheepishly.   
“So, are we having a real christmas this year?”  
Remus just shrugs and grins. “If you want to.”  
“If that means cookies and hot punch, then hell- I mean, heck yeah.” 

Sirius brings home a christmas tree the next day after work, and Harry almost topples over because he’s so excited that there’s a real tree in their living room. The cat eyes it suspiciously and Sirius makes a mental note to keep an eye out for him. They hang up the baubles, red and gold and green, and Harry’s eyes glister with awe when Sirius eventually lights the candles with a flick of his wand.   
“Well done.”, Remus says softly. “But there’s one thing missing.”   
And Sirius watches as a tree topper that looks like a glittery owl, flies up and takes its place. He turns to look over his shoulder, and smiles at Remus. Remus smiles back.   
Harry waddles towards Sirius, and hugs his leg, and Sirius grins down at him. “Do you like our tree, pal?”   
“Pwetty twee.”, Harry replies with the biggest, most innocent and lovable kid-smile, and Sirius swoops him up into his arms, hugging him to his chest. Remus comes up behind the two of them, putting a hand on Harry’s back.   
“Pa’foo did really well, huh?”, he gently says to the little boy who responds with a big nod and a giggle.   
Sirius grins. “Since when are you calling me Pa’foo?”   
Remus blushes a bit, but grins back and shrugs. “I hear him say it all the time, it kind of sticks.”  
Sirius just shakes his head with a laugh, but all of a sudden, his chest feels all warm and fuzzy. 

\---

Padfoot is curled into a ball right under the tree, the cat and Harry both sleeping on top of him.   
Remus clandestinely snaps a photo. 

\---

Harry sleeps over at the Longbottoms’ place again, so Remus and Sirius have a free night.   
This time, they actually decide to go out. Godric Hollow’s pub is mostly frequented by witches and wizards, and they see more than one familiar face, but don’t talk to anyone. Sirius orders two butterbeers for them, and they sit down in an alcove near the fireplace.   
It’s only four days until the full moon, and Remus’ skin feels tingly.   
When Sirius’ sets down the bottle in front of him, he smiles gratefully. “Thank you.”  
There’s a little awkward silence in which Sirius clears his throat and looks at his hands.   
“We should talk.”, Remus simply says, and Sirius’ head whips up, looking at him with wide eyes.   
“ ‘bout what?”  
“You know what.”   
Sirius does know. He knows every day when he wakes up and looks for Remus in his bed, he knows when he smells the familiar scent of home when he steps out of the fireplace at night after work, he knows when he hears Remus sing to Harry when he thinks nobody listens and he knows when Remus is half asleep on the sofa, stroking the cat lazily with gentle hands.   
They stare at each other from across the table, each of them wanting to talk, but none of them knowing what to say.   
Remus finally gives in. “What are we doing? What is this?” He gestures between the two of them and looks at Sirius in confusion because Remus Lupin, werewolf, former prefect, Member of the Order Of The Phoenix, current home maker, is the worst at talking about his feelings.   
Sirius just shrugs. “What do you want it to be?”  
“What do you want it to be?”, Remus asks right back, because asking questions is easier than answering them.   
Sirius doesn’t answer for a moment and takes a deep sip of his beer.   
“All that I know is that coming home to you, and Harry, after work makes me happy.”   
A soft smile spreads on Remus’ face, but it quickly falters and a concerned expression takes its place. “But are you sure it’s not just because I’m… there? Because I’m available?”, he asks, voice small.  
Sirius immediately shakes his head with force. “No, Remus.”  
“But what about girls-”  
“I don’t care about girls, Moony. About anyone, really, anyone but you. Haven’t, for the last few years, but I was too daft to realize.” Sirius looks at Remus, Remus looks down at his hands. There’s a silence between them, and then Remus looks up.  
“But I’m... “  
Sirius doesn’t let him finish. “Don’t. Don’t give me that shit like you’re not worth it because you’re a werewolf, or because you’re you. Don’t. Let me decide for myself, Remus.”   
Sirius reaches across the table, and hooks his pinkie into Remus’.  
“If you want this, if you want me…. then let’s do it.”  
Remus looks at him like a deer in the headlights, and Sirius’ heart beats to his throat.  
“Yeah.” Remus’ voice breaks, and he nods quickly, and their hands properly lock together now. 

That night, they have sex again, and this time it’s less desperation and more love, gentle, slow, whispered words against hot skin, lips against lips, and hands discovering. 

\---

The next morning, they wake up in Remus’ bed, blankets tangled around them, Remus’ arm around Sirius, pulling him to his chest.   
Sirius smiles, and enjoys his freedom to kiss Remus good morning. The kiss lasts long and it’s wonderful and Sirius feels at home.


	12. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweethearts, have a good week <3 I wanted to post this chapter quickly because I need to get that christmas spirit out before spring starts! It's almost March. Thank you for all your lovely comments and the kudos <3 also, guys, look at this rad blog I found, they do HP fanart of wolfstar as parents!!!! stilesstays.tumblr.com ...and come say hi on tumblr to me as well? marmelade-sky.tumblr.com

The morning of the 24th, they awake to a fine coat of snow covering Godric’s Hallow. Remus stands on the porch, Harry on his arm, a mug of tea in his hand, wrapped in an enormous scarf, while a snow-crazy Padfoot whirls through the backyard like mad, barking and catching snowflakes with his snout. The cat stalks out as well, but only sits down at Remus’ feet, looking up at him like “That dog is mad, and my paws are cold.”  
“See, Harry? That’s snow! Padfoot is playing in the snow.” Remus slowly says, trying to get Harry to repeat the easy sentence.   
“Pa’foo pwaying in the sno-ow!” Harry claps his pudgy little hands, and squeals, “Hawwy wanna pway too!”   
“Well, alright then, little bug. Let’s get your snowsuit on then.”   
The snowsuit is brown and white and it has ears (Remus loves childrens’ clothing with little ears on it, he just won’t admit it to anyone) and it makes Harry look utterly adorable as he flops down on his bottom when Padfoot accidently boops him too hard.   
“Si- Padfoot, careful!”, Remus scolds, and Padfoot gives him a guilty look, nudging Harry, but the little boy just giggles and holds on to Padfoot’s fur to pull himself up again. Remus can’t help but notice that Harry seems to be a very motoric child. From all he’s read in Lily’s books, most children either develop speech or motoric skills first, and it seems like Harry is definitely a motoric child. He already walks very well, doesn’t fall down too often and can stand up on his own with no problems.   
Remus lets his two children play outside while he does some cleaning in the kitchen and the living room. It’s just Sirius, Harry and him tonight, but he still feels like the house should be clean and nice for Christmas. The radio plays Celestina Warbeck’s best christmas songs, and Remus absently-minded sings along. Yesterday, Sirius made some fruit cake, they have been making cookies for the last few weeks (Harry loves baking by now) and for Christmas Eve, they only planned to have fancy sandwiches and chips, because these are something Remus usually doesn’t let Harry (and Sirius) have, since it’s so unhealthy.   
Suddenly, Remus feels cold hands on his sides, and turns around to find a naked Sirius, wrapped in a blanket, hair wet from the snow, cheeks flushed red, grinning like mad. In the hallway, Harry is trying to pull off his snowsuit with mixed results. Remus gives Sirius a warm smile. “You need to take a shower, you’ll get sick.”, he scolds lovingly.   
Sirius laughs and shakes his head so little drops of icy water hit Remus in the face; Remus squeals and pulls back. “Pads!”  
And Sirius stops and pulls him in and kisses him, it’s a quick, chaste kiss, but it’s so full of… affection that Remus sinks into it for a moment before quickly pulling back. “Sirius! ..not in front of Harry!”, he hisses while his cheeks flush and betray him.   
Sirius rolls his eyes with a laugh, “Come on, Rem, don’t be stuffy. He doesn’t understand adults anyway.” They both look over Sirius’ shoulder where Harry is rolling around in the hallway, trying to pull his snowsuit off his right leg while the cat eyes the suit’s ears with interest.   
“Besides…” Sirius pulls Remus closer again, “James and Lily wanted him to grow up in a home full of love.”, he seriously says, “It wouldn’t matter to them that we are… and it won’t matter to him.”  
Remus bites his lips.   
His eyes wander back and forth between the toddler that’s covered in a ball of red fur now, and a man with grey, piercing eyes and the most beautiful face.   
Then he leans forward and kisses Sirius. 

\---

 

The 24th goes by calmly and without hurry. They spend the day with games, a long winter walk, hot chocolate and cuddling on the sofa. Harry eventually falls asleep on top of Sirius, who is on his back, leaning against Remus. Sirius just holds Harry and lets him sleep like this. He feels Remus kissing the top of his head and tilts his face upwards to catch Remus’ lips with his own. The magical tree lights glow nicely in the dark room, as does the fireplace and it’s comforting and calming and nice. 

\---

They have agreed on not giving each other gifts, but of course, both break that promise. Remus gets books from the muggle store around the corner of Diagon Alley, because Sirius knows how his lover occasionally enjoys cheesy muggle literature. Sirius gets a black knitted jumper “So you’ll stop stealing mine for once.”, Remus says, and Sirius grins when he notices the smallest bit of pink on Moony’s cheekbones.   
Harry is a bit overwhelmed, but more than excited about his gifts. He gets candy, of course, even if Remus had been against it at first (“Come on, Moons, it’s christmas!”) and a new toy Sirius built himself: a stag-stuffy that can run around. It ends up scaring the cat up the tree, but Harry’s eyes are lighting up and he’s clapping his little pudgy hands and laughing and Remus wraps his arm around Sirius and tells him how proud he is. Harry also gets the smallest set of Quidditch uniform they could find, and he looks so adorable in it that Remus snaps a picture before they are off to the christmas celebrations. 

\---

Since most of the order members have lost a part of their family, they have decided to celebrate together. The Longbottoms are there, with little Neville, and the Weasleys. Molly still looks a little sad when she thinks no one's looking. It hasn’t been long since her brothers have been killed. Dorcas is there, too, and Remus resists the urge to ask her to check up on Harry’s health. It’s not the time or place for this and Harry is okay, isn’t he? Fenwick is there, too, and Dearborne and Doge and Bones and just about everyone. They eat and chat and the children play with their new toys.   
Sirius quietly notices how he doesn’t talk to all the bachelors at the table as much as he used to. Of course none of them had been friends like James or Remus to him, but he had always gotten along quite well with them, joking around, remembering the days back at school and talking about Quidditch. Now he is seated in between Frank and Remus, and catches himself talk about Harry more than about Quidditch or his motorcycle. 

\---

Harry falls asleep on Remus’ arms on their way home. Remus puts him to bed quietly, presses a kiss to his scarred forehead and smiles down at him for a moment, pride filling his chest.   
He goes to make tea, and right as he’s about to put the kettle on, arms wrap around his middle and Sirius presses a kiss between his shoulderblades. Remus smiles to himself. “...there are still cookies if you want some.”, he says quietly and shivers at Sirius’ hands finding their ways under his jumper.   
“...oh, I do want some. Not cookies though.”, Sirius growls behind him, and Remus can hear his smirk in his voice and can’t help but laugh. “Oh really?”, he asks playfully and turns around in Sirius arms. Padfoot grins up at him with mischief glimmering in his eyes. “Oh really.” He lets go of Remus, turns around and slowly walks toward the living room. While he does, he starts taking off his new black jumper. “...you know, this wool is sooo itchy…”, he says as he drops it onto the floor, and then opens his pants, “and those are far too tight…”   
Remus leans against the kitchen counter, grinning. “...you’re incredible.”  
“...incredibly horny for you.”, Sirius replies bluntly from the living room. Remus snorts.  
“...you coming or not?” 

Remus comes several times that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment to make the writer smile? :)


	13. February

“Are… are you growing a moustache?” Remus reaches out and touches Sirius’ upper lip. Sirius pushes his hand away bashfully. “No! ...yes. Maybe I am.”, he admits. “Leave me alone.”   
Remus laughs and leans forward to kiss it. “...makes you look like a real dad.”   
Sirius shaves it off the next morning.


	14. March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god!!!! I was nominated for the Shrieking Shack Society 2017 Mischief Managed Awards!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
> 
> If you voted for me, it would mean the world to me. Being nominated alone makes me really happy.  
> Enjoy the newest chapter <3 it's very fluffy. And thank you so much for all your encouraging comments.

Remus wakes up. His mouth is dry and his joints are aching. It’s two days after the full moon, and it’s his birthday. Remus couldn’t care less about his birthday. It has never been a big deal, and he was planning on keeping it that way. However, Sirius and Harry have other plans.  
Right when Remus is building up the motivation to get out of bed, the door of his room opens and Harry bolts in. “Moomy!”, he squeals and clambers up the bed. Remus catches him before he can knee him into the stomach, and lifts him up. Harry has gotten quite heavy recently. “Good morning Moomy!”, Harry reaches out for him and pats him on the cheek, “Pa’foo says it’s your birfday!” Right when Remus is about to reply to that, a cake hovers through the doorframe, and Sirius follows, a grin on his face. He starts singing Happy Birthday, and Remus can’t help but laugh and hide his face in Harry’s onesie.  
Harry pulls at his hair. “Cake!”, he exclaims and starts jumping on the bed. Remus laughs some more and covers his face with his hands.  
Sirius sits down on the edge of the bed. “Well, you heard the kid.”, he says and Remus feels all fuzzy and warm when he looks up and into those stormy grey eyes and Sirius smiles down at him with so much affection. “Cake in bed it is.”  
Harry cheers and jumps up and down some more.  
Sirius leans down and presses a kiss to Remus’ lips. Kissing in front of Harry hasn’t been an issues for a time now. 

They eat cake in bed.  
“And you know what Moomy is getting for his birthday?”, Sirius asks Harry and reaches out to wipe a smear of chocolate butter cream from the kid’s cheek. Harry cocks his head. “...book?”, he asks and both men laugh.  
“You’re so smart.”, Remus grins and runs his hand through Harry’s hair proudly, thinking to himself that they are probably doing a really okay job as parents.  
Sirius shakes his head. “...well, books would be a good idea. But no. Something else.”  
Remus shakes his head and gives Sirius a look. “...you know I don’t need anything. I have everything I want in this bed.”  
Sirius snorts and shakes his head. “That’s really cute of you, but… just look at it.”  
He pulls an envelope out of his pocket. It’s folded up and a bit crumpled, and it’s muggle paper. He hands it to Remus, it’s addressed to him. It has been opened before, and Remus furrows his eyebrows as he takes it from Sirius. “...What…?”, he starts, but then he opens it, and his eyes go wide. Harry sits on the edge of the bed, steadying himself on Sirius’ knees, and looks between his uncles with anticipation. Sirius grins anxiously and pulls Harry into his lap so his hands have something to do.  
Remus looks up at Sirius, then down at the letter again. He reads it again. And again.  
“...so…?”, Sirius asks after a minute.  
Remus lets his hands sink, knuckles white as he’s clutching the letter. “I… Sirius… I don’t know what to say.”  
Sirius shrugs and smiles, still a bit anxious. “...how about thank you?”  
Remus shakes his head in disbelief. “....I don’t- ...Sirius, I have no idea how to feel about this.”  
Sirius’ face drops, and so Remus quickly adds: “...I’ve been wanting this for such a long time. Since we were back at school. But… but what about Harry, and the moons and…?”  
Sirius’ face softens. “...you know, we can coordinate my work with your schedule. And Harry could go to pre-school this year. Won’t hurt him.”  
Remus chews on his lower lip, considering it.  
“...and I- ...I might have included papers which are made to look like they are from a muggle healer in your application. They say you have some kind of muggle condition, and… well, you get extra time off each semester.”  
Now Remus’ eyes are starting to burn, and he stifles a sniffle. “Sirius, I really don’t know… that’s…. I’m overwhelmed.”, is the last thing Remus gets out before he starts crying for real.  
Immediately, Harry gives a mewl and scrambles over into Remus’ lap, puts his hands on Remus’ cheeks and sniffles as well. “Moomy, don’t cry!” He starts patting Remus’ hair like Remus often does to him when he cries, and that only makes Remus sob harder.  
Sirius swallows hard as well, and wraps his arm around Remus. “You don’t have to go, you know?” His stomach is burning, and it’s not because of the cake. Remus lets out another sob at that, and now Harry starts whining as well. Remus quickly wraps his arms around him. He looks over Harry’s shoulder at Remus, and shakes his head. “No, no Sirius, I really want to go. I really do. It’s just… that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”  
Relief washes through Sirius, and he starts laughing. “Hey, I became an animagus for you!”  
Harry sobs and Remus now has to laugh as well. “Hey, pumpkin, stop crying! It’s okay! You know, sometimes adults cry because they’re happy.”, Sirius explains and leans in to rub the little boy’s back. Harry looks up in confusion. “Happy?”, he asks with trembling bottom lip. Remus bounces Harry in his lap a little and, through his tears, gives Harry a shaky smile. “Yes, little bug. I’m happy, because Pa’foo gave me such a nice gift.”  
Harry furrows his eyebrows and let’s Sirius wipe away his tears. “What gift?”  
Remus runs his fingers through Harry’s hair again. “The letter, baby. It says that I can go to school.”  
Now Harry is completely confused. He looks so utterly bewildered that Remus and Sirius only laugh harder. “Hogwarts?”, he asks.  
“No, baby.”, Remus explains and bites his lip, “...muggle school, one for grown-ups. It’s called university.  
“You-ney-servity?”, Harry asks.  
“U-ni-versity.”, Remus repeats, “but you can just say uni.”  
“Uni.”, Harry repeats. Then he looks over to Sirius. “Can I come?”  
Sirius grins. “Not yet, pumpkin, maybe in some years. But maybe we’ll put you into kindergarten. That’s like school for little people like you.”  
“I’m not little!”, Harry protests, but Remus quickly interjects. “I heard they have really cool toys there. And maybe Neville will go with you.”  
Harry considers it for a moment. Then he sighs dramatically and sounds a lot like James. “Okaaaay. ...can I bring my own toys, too?”  
Sirius acts like he has to think hard. “You know, I think you can.”  
Harry scrambles off the bed. “I have to pick out which ones!”, he yells while running out of the room excitedly. Remus and Sirius look at each other and laugh.  
“I love you, Sirius Black.”, Remus says and smiles softly while they hear Harry scramble down the stairs.  
“I love you too.” Sirius leans in and kisses Remus’ lips while putting his own hand over Remus hand, the one which is still holding the letter. “...and I’m sure you’ll make a damn good teacher.”


End file.
